Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
