last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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