We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
