Is it because I queefed?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize