I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
