Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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