As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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