I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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