a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My first STD was from a foam party
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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