I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
