he thought i was a dude.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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