Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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