You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize