I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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