What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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