i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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