i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I need a burrito and a hug.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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