if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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