This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
