I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize