I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
