I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
