apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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