Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
