..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize