Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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