you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
