you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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