thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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