About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
