my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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