What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
