so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
