Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
