do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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