Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
