So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
