I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
