During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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