i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
