is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Randomize
