No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize