she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Two words: nipple clamps
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