there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
