you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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