alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
