2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
