Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Randomize
