My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
