Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
