he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize