I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
