Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
