I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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