So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
