just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
