If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
