Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
