Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
