Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
