pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize