I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
