So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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