Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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