Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
