you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
