But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
