Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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