I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
