Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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