So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
