i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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