He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
