Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
