Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
