What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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