hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize