I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
