How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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