In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
