Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
