Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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