I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
