i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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