his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
