the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Randomize
