So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
