I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
