i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
