Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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