Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
