True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
