Ambien. No doubt about it.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I am available for nakedness
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
