shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
