nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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